I don't want a divorce! Help me save my marriage!
Resources for those fighting a divorce.
Find Marriage Programs especially suited for couples on the brink of divorce.
On the Directory, scroll down to Deeply Troubled in the Category box.
Does Divorce Make People Happy? - research shows that those who stay the
course in unhappy marriages are happier 5 years down the road than those who divorce.
Here's a strategy from the Modern Love section of the NY Times - a woman who hung in.
When her husband said, "I don't love you any more, I want a divorce" she said, "I don't buy it."
Teaching Men Marriage - Frank Pittman - Must-view DVD & a must-read essay.
A Family Man Thinks Twice - Josh Coleman (read this one!)
Infidelity and Affairs - You CAN heal and rebuild your marriage after infidelity.
Reserch Summary: Some Effects of Removing a Father to Position of Visitor
Should We Stay Together for the Kids? Watch
Why Marriage Matters: 26 Conclusions from the Social Sciences -pdf download
The Positive Effects of Marriage: A Book of Charts - Heritage Foundation
Don't want a divorce? Marriage Programs especially suited for couples on the brink of divorce:
Divorce Busting Center
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Remedy, offers
skill-building workshops, audiotape and DVD programs, a support chatline,
telephone coaching and one and two-day intensives help even couples on the brink
of divorce improve their relationships quickly. If you do
nothing else, read her book Divorce Remedy. Click to order for only $9.75 on amazon:
RETROUVAILLE- (Retro-vie "means lifeline and rhymes with apple pie")
A program for couples with serious problems who are
disillusioned, separated and/or on the brink of divorce.
You'll be helped by couples who have also "been to the brink" – who have
experienced serious problems including affairs, alcoholism, gambling,
violence,etc or who have simply fallen out of love – but who have worked their way
back. They'll teach you how to fall back in love, heal your marriage &
make it stronger than ever before. This program (85% successful when
both partners work at it) teaches simple techniques of communication
plus exercises to work on forgiveness, healing, and restoration of trust. The program
begins with a weekend and includes 12 follow-up meetings over three
months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups, seminars or social
gatherings - there are no counselors involved and you don't have to
say anything in front of anyone else. Couples discuss the topics and practice the
skills in private. Blank-envelope-donation system. Open to couples
of all faiths and to the non-religious. To find a program
in your area:
The Third Option
This ongoing marriage enrichment/marriage crisis group program uses a drop-in
format, skill building and sharing by couples who have overcome great difficulties.
A self-contained manual & videos make the program easy to implement
in your church or community. For couples or individuals at any stage from
engaged to long-married seeking enrichment or divorce prevention. Start a program
in your community!
Pat Ennis, MSW
Syracuse, New York
BAN - Beyond Affairs Network
BAN is an International Support Group with local chapters
for people recovering from the devastating experience of a spouse's affair.
Anne is author of My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever
Happened to Me, now also available on audio. Anne and Brian offer seminars,
retreats, and workshops for healing from affairs and marriage enrichment as
well as relationship coaching by phone or in person. Their website offers resources
for recovery including free articles and newsletters. In 2006, Anne and Brian assumed
leadership from BAN founders Peggy and James Vaughan (www.dearpeggy.com
). BAN received the 2008 Smart Marriages Impact Award.
Marriage Helper 911 Workshop
This ongoing workshop for marriages in crisis, facilitated by Joe Beam,
uses a combination of lecture, individual work and group dynamics.
It invites the straying spouse to attend even if they have yet to stop the
affair or have made no promises to do so. The success rate, as researched
by Augusta State University, is 3 of 4 marriages saved that would have most
likely ended in divorce.In fact 60% of the couples who come to us ae there
because of the injury and hopelessness of an affair. Over 150,000 people
have allowed us to help. Give us a chance to get to know you and listen. Saving
marriages is our mission.
866-903-0990 or (615) 472-1161
Controlled Separation: Divorce PreventionThe National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists
Lee Raffel, MSW & Elsie Radtke, MEd, founders
This divorce prevention process provides hope for seemingly hopeless marital relationships on the
brink of divorce. Discover a practical roadmap that shows couples how to
avoid making an impulsive divorce decision, how to slow down, cool down,
and rebuild a healthy marriage. Gain trainer certification that includes divorce
prevention options for couples based on CS Guidelines and the CS Contract. Available as
TOOBs (teach out of the box program) - both secular and Catholic versions.
Book: Imperfect Harmony:
How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still Be Happy," Order
this 90-min workshop at 800-241-7785 for only $15.95 CD or MP3 download.
It's a great for couples (or individuals) teetering on the brink.
> #754-505 - Imperfect Harmony
> Joshua Coleman, PhD
> Not all marriages can be made deeply meaningful or even satisfying. Learn how
> to help couples achieve harmony - even happiness - in marriages that stay
> together "just for the sake of the kids."
Order Imperfect Harmony (with it's 5-star rating) for only $16.29 on amazon at:
Audio recordings of hundreds of helpful sessions from the Smart Marriages Conferences
on on CD & MP3 download $15.95. To order, or for a list of hundreds of additional sessions,
call 800-241-7785 or visit Playback Now http://www.iplaybacksmartmarriages.com
Soul Healers Leaders Training – TOOB
Beverly and Tom Rodgers, PhDs
Practical, easy-to-learn tools for professionals or lay
mentors to help couples face even the most difficult,
on-the-brink problems: adultery, addiction, abuse or
other deep wounds.
Torn Asunder: Mending Infidelity – TOOB
Dave Carder, MA
This model provides a structure to stabilize marriages in
the crucial first 90 days; skills to differentiate types of
infidelity and to start forgiveness and trust building; plus homework.
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
Esther Perel, MA
Explore the paradoxical relation of domesticity and sexual desire
– when security needs clash with our pursuit of passion. Help
couples sustain desire over the long haul while respecting
needs for safety and stability.
The Five Languages of Apology
Gary Chapman, PhD
Where do we learn whether or not, and how, to apologize?
Learn to help couples identify their own and their spouse’s
apology styles and how to speak their language.
Harville Hendrix PhD, Tim Atkinson, MA
Structured dialogue is the very core of the powerful
Imago model. Help couples understand how to ‘stop
talking, and start connecting’ with each other and with
colleagues, friends, and family. Experiential.
Basic Training: Men, Women and Marriage – TOOB
Rozario Slack, DMin, Nisa Muhammad
Two straight-talking curricula developed in the crucible
of the Black experience. Teach Black men and women
the principles and skills to create and sustain successful marriages.
Falling in Love: As Easy as P. I. E.
Learn how this visual model and a dynamic group process
help married couples understand how to fall in love all over
again whether in crisis or simply in search of deeper satisfaction.
Divorce Busting Programs - TOOB
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
Marriage Breakthrough & Keeping Love Alive: two programs
to help even last-ditch couples avoid divorce, even if only one
spouse attends! Teach classes or use the techniques in your practice.
The Essential Humility of Marriage
Terry Hargrave, PhD
Stability, security, and sincerity are the "right stuff" that
help couples move past "me and my happiness" to the respect,
humility, reliability, and sacrifice that produce solid marriages
and secure kids.
Internet Sex Addiction – TOOB
Mark Laaser, PhD, MDiv
Porn, the #1 seller on the internet, has become extremely
damaging to marriage. Learn to recognize the symptoms,
prevent and help overcome addiction to internet sex and
create or enhance ministry to sex addicts and their spouses.
The Stepfamily Journey: Not for Wimps
Elizabeth Einstein, MA
Learn to provide couples with a trail map to master stepfamily
developmental tasks. Understand emotional baggage, bonding,
loyalty, and discipline.
Between Two Worlds
Elizabeth Marquardt, MDiv
Even in the best divorces, kids live divided lives in
which they struggle to understand their parents'
behavior, negotiate tangled family systems, and
develop values and beliefs.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It!
Pat Love, EdD, Steven Stosny, PhD
Learn an approach that combines brain research and
a set of brief behaviors guaranteed to strengthen marriage.
Best of all, men can do it without feeling they have to behave
Married Sex for Men
Michael Metz, PhD, Barry McCarthy, PhD
Ten things men need to know to deal with the common
problems – low desire, porn addiction, erectile dysfunction,
premature ejaculation, etc. – to build a healthy, pleasurable sex life.
758-601 Boomers on the Edge
Terry Hargrave, PhD
Boomers have always been out front, leading the
revolution. They now face three enormous challenges.
Explore how boomers can use these issues to strengthen
rather than destroy their marriages.
Bill Doherty, PhD
Marital therapy is a challenge. Learn about the essential
skills and values of a good marital therapist and about an
exciting new resource for locating these therapists in
Pat Love, EdD, Kathleen McFadden, CLE
The death of passion often heralds the end of a marriage.
Proven techniques help couples restore this vital energy.
Pragmatic strategies presented with humor and clinical savvy.
Beyond Affairs: Prevention and Recovery
Anne and Brian Bercht
Learn how to not only recover from infidelity, but to
make your marriage even stronger, from a couple that’s
been there. Also, how to establish a BAN recovery support
group in your community.
Learning Sobriety Together – FOOB
William Fals-Stewart, PhD, Gary Birchler, PhD
This program works with couples together – the drug/alcohol
abuser and spouse – to improve communication skills, build
cohesion, and both promote and maintain sobriety.
Close Calls: Avoiding Adultery
Dave Carder, MA
Advice from thousands of adulterers help us identify
our own high risk situations and “Dangerous Partner Profiles”
and provides ideas for using Close Call experiences to
actually strengthen marital intimacy.
Marital Sex As it Ought to Be
Barry McCarthy, PhD
When it's good, it’s great. When it's bad or non-existent,
it's a bummer. Learn what it takes to have great marital sex
– intimate and erotic – and how to prevent and resolve sexual problems.
Surviving Your Adolescents: 13 - 18 Year Olds – TOOB
Tom Phelan, PhD
There are times you must keep quiet as they push
toward independence and times you must take charge.
This step-by-step approach will help end the hassles.
Single parents & stepparents also welcome.
Affairs: Step-by-Step to Recovery
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
There isn’t one right approach, but it helps to have a map of the territory. How
much disclosure? When? Moratoriums? Why? Learn a flexible, adaptable
structure that helps.
Retrouvaille: No Such Thing as A Hopeless Case
Jeff & Donna Heusler
Restore even the most troubled marriages by creating and/or referring
couples to a Retrouvaille program in your community in which those
who have "been to the brink" teach others how to heal. If there's not
a program in your community, learn how to start one.
The Third Option: What Every Couple & Congregation Needs
Pat Ennis, MSW & a mentor couple
Give couples a THIRD option - not endurance, not divorce. This
enrichment/crisis group program is ongoing! Couples or individuals
attend as needed. Self-contained manual makes it easy to implement.
As a country, we need to find a way to fund marriage-rescue help with 'insurance'
or something. Marriage Insurance - what a concept! Marriage license fees could
triple and they might cover such a thing!
Judy Parejko - The Divorce Resouce Center
Advocates of easy divorce say: How cruel it is to keep people tied
together when they are not happy! It's true that all restraints are in
a sense cruel, but without the sturdy fence, the bawling cattle in the
pasture would be destroying themselves in the green corn and damp
alfalfa. And so it is with the restraints on divorce.
Fred Hanson, Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, commissioner expressing
disapproval of changing from a 'fault-based' to a 'no-fault' system of divorce, 1970
Send suggestions for resources to add to this page.
Divorce Reform page - http://www.divorcereform.org
Smart Marriages Directory of programs and resources