The Coalition was founded to bring good
news to the public.
There is an end in sight -- a cure for the
Exciting new research has identified what
it takes to build
strong, happy marriages and what is unique
the couples that stay together and stay in
It isn't that successful couples start out
better looking, more in love, or more
It isn't that they have fewer differences or
less to fight about.
In fact, couples who stay together have the
of disagreement as couples who
And they disagree about the same
- money, kids, sex, housework, in-laws, and
The difference is in how they handle their
and how they behave in ways that build
long-term happiness and satisfaction.
The good news is that the behaviors - or
skills - which
provide this "relationship insurance" can be
Couples can unlearn behaviors that destroy
replace them with behaviors that keep love
The number-one predictor of divorce is the
habitual avoidance of conflict.
Yet couples avoid conflict precisely
because they believe it will cause divorce.
It's like the cartoon where the couple says
to the marriage counselor,
"It's true, we never talk anymore. We figured
out that's when we have all our fights."
We avoid conflict - in the beginning
because we are so in love -- and so misinformed!
We believe that "being in love" is about
Later, we avoid conflict, because when we
try to deal with our differences
things get so out of hand and our fights are
unpleasant and upsetting that we simply shut
Successful couples - the research shows - are
those who know
how to discuss their differences without
them contaminate the rest of their
We don't get married to handle
but if a couple doesn't learn how
do that successfully, they won't be able
do all the other things they got married to
Or, put another way, it's hard to take her
out to the ball game if you're not speaking.
We also need to realize that every happy
couple will have
approximately ten areas of disagreement that
they will never resolve.
The divorce laws have it wrong. All
successful couples have irreconcilable differences!
Perpetual disagreements - like a bad knee or
a chronic back - are part of
every good marriage. Successful couples
to dance in spite of their
If we switch partners we'll just get ten new
areas of disagreement
and sadly, some of the most acrimonious
be about the children from our previous
In addition to needing to learn skills for
we also have to learn to welcome and embrace
When we marry we promise to stay together
we do part, we don't promise to stay the
We need skills to integrate and
new meaning and changes along the
The good news is that there are many
courses for learning the skills - many
"brands" from which to choose.
The courses are not about what kind of
marriage - or relationship - to build
- they give couples the tools to build
successfully maintain the marriage of their
� There are courses for different stages
of relationships and marriage.
Couples can learn the skills at any
- dating, engaged, as newlyweds, or after
many years of marriage.
� The courses are also effective for couples facing
serious distress or who are on the brink of
It turns out that when you learn to interact
in new ways,
the feelings of love CAN be revived - can
come flowing back.
You can fall in love all over again - with
the same person - with the parent
of your kids.
� There are courses designed to teach high school
the skills for building good relationships
and lasting marriages
- to teach them the behaviors to look for in
a mate and
the behaviors to bring to a
� There are courses to help dating couples assess the strengths
weaknesses of their relationship and to learn
how to improve
the areas in which they have poor
� There are courses designed specifically
stepfamilies and remarried couples - families
that face special challenges.
� And there are courses for couples facing the adventures
parenting (from first baby, to adolescents,
to empty nests)
or for dealing with sexual dysfunction,
substance abuse, adultery,
unemployment, dual careers, and
� There are courses adapted for
denominations taught in churches, synagogues
�There are secular courses that are
connected to no church
or denomination which are taught in community
on military bases, in childbirth classes, or
at the county court house.
�The courses work equally well for any
committed relationship. Courses help
couples - often can give them the confidence
to marry. There are courses for
commited life-partners, for gay and lesbian
The courses are taught in classroom
- think teacher, flip chart, "driver's ed for
This is not about therapy, or encounter
Exposing private relationship issues and
about problems and feelings with others is
not part of the process.
You learn skills, instead, to do that
effectively in private and on your own.
This is not about getting a diagnosis of a
mental illness or
character disorder - it's about learning how
to "do marriage" in
ways that build love and
Courses are inexpensive, user-friendly and
Couples enjoy themselves as they gain mastery
"relationship smart." Smart couples
also model the skills for their
children which will slow the divorce rate in
"Don't tell us how to have a good marriage,
The courses offer couples a
"If you give a man a fish he can eat for a
day; if you
teach him to fish he can feed his family
The courses teach couples to fish! - to solve
their own problems
over the lifespan of their marriage. To meet
lows, joys, challenges....the 'for better and
for worse' issues.
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